Drawn Holland

2005-07-09T16:12:00.000-05:00

2005-02-17T16:18:00.000-06:00

Okay, this blog is dead. And I'm officially putting it out of it's misery. Consider Drawn Holland --the blog, not the person-- put to sleep. I'm moving on, to other pseudonyms, other urls. It's not like there's anyone out there who still reads this.

So Drawn Holland, my former self, says this to who I am now:

You did what you did
It's done
You loved it, but it made you mad
And now you seek sanity in something else

There are days, shades of window lights, films with foreign accents
Smells of smoke, ashes, sips of drinks
you will take with you, on and on
until you have no pseudonym at all

And that's youth, life, being
living in any place
but this place, with these people
is who you are
--whether you ever wanted to be here and you, is irrelevant
and who you thought you were is irrelevant
you are yourself

escape in names and places
and initials and anything that helps you be
but don't forget that i and you
being the same
will traverse nations and decades together

the eyeballs sees what it sees
--and feels what it feels
so does the pulse of you
and in that pulse i am

(c)2005 Drawn Holland

2004-12-14T21:21:00.000-06:00

Western Civ I is over. One final down, two to go...

2004-12-07T23:51:00.000-06:00

Word to your mother

2004-12-07T14:25:00.000-06:00

Western Civ is over!!!

Until next year anyways...

2004-12-07T01:59:00.000-06:00

Wow. I just finished my play. Thank the lord. And it only took me four hours, so why did I put it off for two months?

2004-12-06T17:36:00.000-06:00

I'm a senator!!! A senator!!! Yay!!! Wooo!!! Ahhh! Senate!!! Yay!!!

Okay, enough of that.

Senate!

2004-12-06T09:37:00.000-06:00

Ahh. Okay, I was kidding before about the Facebook. But now I'm serious. Dead serisou. It's taking over my life. It's unacceptable. It's so much worse than aim, or blogger, or internet games. Or downloading music.

And I have no idea why.

But it must be stopped.

2004-12-06T08:21:00.000-06:00

This wholesomeness thing is already crampin my style

2004-12-06T05:56:00.000-06:00

So now I'm a member of the Facebook. That evil awful thing I swore I would never join. I fear an obsession coming on. Dammit dammit dammit.

2004-12-06T01:37:00.000-06:00

My blog needed a haircut...

2004-12-06T01:12:00.000-06:00

So I just finished sanitizing my blog. Does that sanitize my life? No. Hell no. But as Bekah and I were discussing earlier, this year has been clean. Wholesome. Last semester that's all I thought that I wanted. Now I'm mourning the loss of my freedom. Or daring. Or whatever it was that I had then. I think this is one of those things that you never can be fully content about. Either you're too wild and you want to be cleaner, or your too clean and long to be a little more bad.

But yeah, so I deleted all the sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Or something like that. Was is worth it? So that they won't see it. (That's a very specific 'they'). I don't know. I'm pretty lost right now.

Oh well. Such is life.

Bekah put is much better than I did:

ode

Today, my best friend is erasing her blog. It feels like a whole era of our lives is being expunged. Deleted. Completely removed.

It was a good era, one that we'll remember a thousand years from now. It taught us that we can survive anything, that sometimes you need to kiss your friends, that some things can be more important than you ever thought they would be. It taught us about whiskey and the Marquis puppet and eyeball licking and activism. We went through pack after pack of Marlboro Lights, drink after drink at Java Break and hour after hour Russian verbs and Siberian history. We had a midnight birthday party for J, homemade Indian food on Valentine's Day, copious amounts of alcohol and a studio apartment on the second floor of 1144 Louisiana.

We made it through incredible amounts of shit and, amazingly, we're all still standing. Things have changed since then, and nothing will ever be the same. It's doubtful that we'll ever be in quite the same place, but this is how I will always remember us:

Sitting in a circle, crammed between a loveseat and an ottoman and a kitchen doorway, tipsy off whatever we had in the freezer, playing Sin Pennies.

2004-12-02T14:47:00.000-06:00

Am contemplating deleting this thing. I don't know. Maybe I'll just go and delete some specific passages but leave the rest intact. A friend found it accidentally, and I just feel like I'm so far removed from that place--February through April--where everything was so bleak that I need to get away from it. Purge myself of it, in Mark's terms. I want to keep posting, but I think I need to get rid of some of last spring's baggage.

I'm really excited about DF. I don't want to talk DF stuff exclusively for the next five months, so I'll refrain. But, I still feel incredibly lucky to have found such an amazing group of people nestled in this sleepy hipster town.

Speaking of hipsters, I went to the Arcade Fire concert last night. Amazing. Amazing. They were crazy fun fabulous cool. I have never been screamed at by five people in a line with violins and shit before. Amazing.

Stop day count down: 7 days.

Yay for Winter Break.

2004-11-10T16:07:00.000-06:00

Rain rain go away

2004-10-31T17:47:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!!!!!

Survey: What were you for Halloween?

2004-10-21T13:27:00.000-05:00

OOOhhh, pretty colors...

2004-10-21T11:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, so the Decemberists Concert is tonight, can't wait.

BUT, wow, have to clean my apartment by friday because

Mom's coming

ahhh. Must get everything perfect. ahhh.

2004-10-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

The Badly Drawn Boy show was amazing. Amazing. He played his entire One + One is One album--the whole thing. He took a ten minute break, came back, and played another hour+ set. He played for almost two and a half hours. The second set had all of his great stuff (at least in my opinion anyway), like the About a Boy stuff and his first few albums.

The cool thing was he was just so funny. He told stories before almost every song, either what it was about or just random stuff. The end was this twenty-minute improv about everything from coming to Kansas for the first time to introducing his band, to stuff about his girlfriend and his kids. It was like an episode of Storytellers or something. It was amazing.

Ahh...and I'm listening to The Constantines.

2004-10-18T14:31:00.001-05:00

Egarc got some pretty new shiny computers.

And one of them already has a "Under Repair" sign on it.

2004-10-18T14:31:00.000-05:00

I am going to four concerts over a span of 1 week. Wow, I think I'll hit overload at some point, but for now I'm really excited.

Last Friday-Death Cab for Cutie (which rocked)
Tonight-Badly Drawn Boy
Thursday-The Decemberists (yayayayayay)
Saturday-Joanna Newsome

I can't wait--yay.

2004-10-17T22:36:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day to register to vote in the State of Kansas. THE LAST DAY SO GO REGISTER!

2004-10-07T14:33:00.000-05:00

Peace Rocks! Check it out:
Lawrence Journal World Coverage

Kansan Article

2004-10-03T23:50:00.000-05:00

A Peaceful Remembrance
for those who have died in the war in Iraq
Wednesday, October 6
11-3, Strong Lawn

You best be there, bitches

Ah, all I've don't for the last week is:
A. Work
B. Peace Events for Delta Force

But the peace stuff is over for a bit after Wednesday, after which I'll give a full report.

2004-09-26T15:52:00.000-05:00

Just got out of a conference with my playwriting professor. He liked my idea, my "thesis," so that's good. But he's still intimidating as hell.

Finally saw Kill Bill last night. I don't know...I thought it was really lame.

2004-09-21T01:17:00.000-05:00

Measured a 4,140 foot square lawn today with a 9 foot tape measure. Yay.

2004-09-20T14:24:00.000-05:00

Oh man. I just got a 100% on my stats test. That rocks, cause I've only been to stats one time this whole semester other than the test. I love college.

2004-09-18T22:19:00.000-05:00

The the compass.

2004-09-15T23:13:00.000-05:00

Talked to Taylor today. (No alliteration intended.) He leaves for Lebanon on the nineteenth. It will be really weird not talking to him for months at a time...oh wait, no it won't. But I will miss him, which is weird since I never see him or talk to him. But he'll be out of the country, so I guess that makes it real or whatever. I don't know. I'm still figuring out the whole high school friends thing, and how they fit in anymore. Oh well.

Tomorrow night Bekah and Mark star in Michelle's play. It should be really good. I can't wait to what they've been working on all summer.

2004-09-13T14:59:00.000-05:00

Avoiding my western civ papers and doing a little internet research.

My findings:

Amazon lists this list of music as "uniquely popular in Lawrence, KS, as compared with the rest of the country":

Belle and Sebastian--Dear Catastrophe Waitress
The Shins--Shoots too Narrow
The Lost in Translation soundtrack
Sarah Mclachlan--Afterglow
In Time: The Best of REM 1998-2003
Dido--Life for Rent
John Mayer--Heavier Things
White Stripes--Elephant
Norah Jones--Feels like Home
Outkast--Speakerboxxx/The Love Below

As opposed to my good ole hometown, where they buy:
The Beatles--Let if Be...Naked
The Essential Johnny Cash
Lyle Lovett--My Baby Don't Tolerate
Warren Zevon--The Wind
Josh Groban--Closer
Coldplay--A Rush of Blood to the Head
The Very Best of Sheryl Crow
Rod Stewart--As Time Goes By...The Great American Songbook: Volume II

After seeing these stats, I was, needless to say, a little horrified. So digging a little deaper,

Topekans buy Bette Middler, Harry Connick Jr., Johnny Cash, and Rod Stewart.

Whichitans(?) buy the Indigo Girls, Michael McDonald, Johnny Cash, Jethro Tull, and Rod Stewart

So I guess Edmond's doing okay. Warren Zevon's okay.

Oh, other fun stuff:

If I want to get an MFA, I now want to go to Michigan, Stanford, Brown, or the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.

BUT, they get 700 apps a year, and get to accept about 10.

That's not good.

That's 1.42857%.

It's easier to get into Stanford law.

Jesus.

2004-08-25T14:37:00.000-05:00

Ah...the movie Troy has now discussed in two of my classes two days in a row. Troy is ruining my life! Help!

2004-08-14T18:07:00.000-05:00

School starts in four days. Four days. I am so very ready to be back and have classes and clubs and events. This summer has been great, theraputic even, but man oh man, I needs my school.

Let's see. Works cool, friends are cool. I've cut back the drinking to only once or twice every two weeks. It's been working out quite nicely. I'm saving money, which rocks. And I get to go pick up my fat scholarship check on tuesday.

Oh, and I love the Olypmics.

Okay, I know this is crap. But soon there'll be lots to report on. Give me like a week.

2004-08-10T01:28:00.000-05:00

So, when you don't have the internet, and your only friends who do move and don't have it for a week, well, you get very disconnected. And, they're watching me type this, so when I say that Mark is creepy and Dave is a small child, well they're going to see it. So I have to go now.

Dave doesn't agree, and he's hurting me.

2004-07-13T03:13:00.000-05:00

My mother's here visitng. Sleeping in my sister's room right now. Visit is going much better than anticipated, but not better than expected. If that makes any sense. I love my mom, I just was not ready for her to be here. But, it's all going so very well.

My birthday is this week, and I got a digital camera. Expect pictures in the future.

2004-07-02T14:55:00.000-05:00

Payday...I love your so, I always will....Payday

2004-07-01T18:06:00.000-05:00

Rereading Tomas Wolfe's Look Homeward Angel. Rethinking my entire senior year of high school in the process. Hmm...

2004-06-27T22:41:00.000-05:00

So I finished unpacking some of the last boxes from moving in, and here are some fun stats.

I own 26 pairs of shoes, but only 15 pairs of matching sox.
I have seven bath towels. They are all either green or pink.
I have over twenty gray t-shirts. All of them have been stolen from one of my sisters or given to me at a blood drive.

"It's all about the clothes." -Dave

2004-06-21T16:42:00.000-05:00

Still not much is going on. Jessi's back in town, and I let her give me a haircut. It's short - really short. Maybe an inch below my chin. But I kind of dig it. When I have money again, and can afford luxuries like haircuts, I'll probably go get it trimmed and evened a bit. But I like it.

Today's my first official day at work not training. It's going pretty good. The guy next to me called a Hank Williams who lives on Gunpowder Lane. I think the real Hank Williams is dead, but it would be cool just to have that address.

2004-06-19T08:38:00.000-05:00

More telemarketing, more hanging out, more wasting time, more bad television at three in the morning, way more weird pasta assortments, more white rice, less heavy drinking, and, if it's possible, less laundry than I did during the year.

2004-06-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

The last few days have been really laid back. I've just been training for work and hanging out with my sister. I've been reading a lot of Sherlock Holmes novels. They aren't particularily wonderful or anything, but they definitely make good summer reading. Other than that, there isn't really much to report. Oh, except that I've become hooked on Days of Our Lives again. Damn daytime television.

2004-06-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Hung out with Dave at Brandon's and Seciley's last night. When I got home my bedroom door had somehow become locked. I didn't know that the door even had a lock, but when I got back I was locked out. So I removed the hinges, but that did nothing so I just went to sleep on the couch.

My sister got it open today, but now the door is unattached, and leaning against the wall. I don't think I'll ever put it back.

2004-06-07T16:04:00.000-05:00

Dave is kindly lending me his internet so that I can update. In exchange for his kindness, he has commanded me to begin my post with:

This is Stiffy again

So there, I did.Now onto the good stuff.

Job hunting blows. But, it did put me in the neighborhood of Bucky's, so Allison and I went in and got a chocolate shake and visited Nathan. I've been running into lots and lots of people. It's really nice to reconnect with them now that it's summer. I'm stressed cause it seems like I am never ever going to get around to unpacking my room, but I know that I have to by Thursday.

Living with my sister is going really well. So far, so good.

Last night I hung out with Annie and Michelle. We watched the movie Anne of Green Gables. I love that movie. It made me remember the old Disney show Avonlea. I wonder if you can get it on DVD or VHS, because I would love to see that show again. Especially since I don't have cable.

Got a letter from Jessi today - yay. It's fabulous borrowing her car, but I can't wait til she's back in town.

"This is not a chicken sandwich" -Dave

2004-06-04T11:33:00.000-05:00

Back in Lawrence. I love my new apartment, but alas, I don't have the internet, and until I get a job, I won't have much free time to go to the Union to get on the computer. Goodness, I'm tired.

More later. Sorry, I gotta get a job.

2004-05-25T14:56:00.000-05:00

If there were no men:

I would not be afraid to walk alone at night, which means I could go anywhere I wanted anytime
I wouldn't waste cell phone minutes talking to someone while I'm out at night just so I can feel safe
I would probably never drink any alcohol
I would never get dressed before coming to class (not that I do that often now)
I would never wear shirts that showed any cleavage

2004-05-25T02:52:00.000-05:00

Hung out with Sonia today - yay. That girl is one of the best friends that anyone could ever ask for.

Hung out with Geneva - tense. Always very tense.

Have been lethargic all day...want to go to sleep now.

2004-05-21T03:45:00.000-05:00

I don't need sleep. I'm invincible.

2004-05-21T01:05:00.000-05:00

"Without the Chiefs and the Royals, Kansas City would be nothing but another Wichita...or Des Moines...or Omaha." -Emanuel Cleaver

2004-05-20T23:01:00.000-05:00

Sports Econ final: 7:30 am
Time till I have to get ready: 7.5 hours
Text Pages to Read: 147
Supplemental Articles to Read: 8
Loads of Laundry to do: 10
Number of Formulas to Store in Calculator:20+

2004-05-19T03:38:00.000-05:00

Been switching back and forth between the Belleville Rendez-vous and the Basement Jaxx's Rendez-vous, just for contrast. Insomnia has set in, and have finally reached a paniced and overwhelmed state where I realize that I cannot possibly move and learn a semester of econ in the next forty-eight hours. Holy crap.

2004-05-18T14:03:00.000-05:00

sometimes, this is all too true

but sometimes boys are lame, and then you need to stay away

2004-05-18T10:47:00.000-05:00

Jessi can't spell 'Caucasian.' Well, I can't either, but I have a spell checker.

Fucked up on the time of Chester's final, which means we won't be going to it at all. Don't worry, it's optional. It just means that I only have two left - tomorrow night (Gerry's) and Friday -econ. I'm not going to lie. I'm a little stressed out about the econ, being that I don't know the material yet. But hopefully, I'll get it down.

It sucks that nothing will change until Friday, and that between now and then, everything is in the perpetual state of uncertainty. Blah. I want to still be asleep.

2004-05-18T03:30:00.000-05:00

This week marks the sixth time in the past two years that I have to say goodbye to everything that matters to me in my current life for at least a month. And alternatively, the sixth time when I have to pick up on my other life and enjoy it like it's the only reality I have. When I say goodbye to Jessi and Bekah and (temporarily) Dave, I get to go home to Nolan and Andrea and my family. And a week later, when I have to say goodbye to them, I get to come back to Dave and my sister and my life here. I'm torn all the time. That's okay. What sucks is knowing that life is always like that. I will never escape being torn from the people I love, no matter how close I am to those around me. I am always missing someone. Someone is always gone, away. This is what happens when you leave home and create a new home somewhere else. You get two homes, and neither of them is complete. So are you ever complete again?

2004-05-18T02:16:00.000-05:00

Ran all around Lawrence tonight with Dave. We walked up and down Mass street, swung at the parks, walked to Louisiana street, back to Mass, all around New Hapshire, went to KK, then drove all the way out to almost Garnett. Being emo with Dave is far more fun than being emo with anyone else, if for any reason you must be a little emo.

"Men have women figured out, it's just that once they get a hard-on, they forget." -Dave

2004-05-17T03:20:00.000-05:00

Nausea - inexplicable nausea. And a whole lot of random crying spells. What the fuck.

2004-05-16T15:48:00.000-05:00

studying and packing and saying goodbye, oh my.

2004-05-12T15:07:00.000-05:00

Googol Search of the Day
Sofia Petrovna Cliffnotes

The book is only like three pages long. Every set of cliffnotes that I own is way longer.

2004-05-12T15:01:00.000-05:00

С Бэкой

Yellow Sub ran into Tommy, KM^c, and JHR
Swinging
Softserve Icecream

С Давидом

Buffalo Wild Wings - just Diet Coke
More Swinging
Small Yellow Jackets
The Matrix
Drinking
Crying
Drinking
Crying

2004-05-11T16:53:00.000-05:00

Why do I always like lame boys?

2004-05-10T23:13:00.001-05:00

Last night I had a stress ball in my stomach the size of a pregnant antelope. It wouldn't go away. My job, my class(es), male friends, boys, money, all of it was getting to me. So I called the problematic boy, and then I got wined and dined by the econ department, drove a car for a little while, and discovered that I can own William Comer's soul in a glass jar.

Life is all good now.

2004-05-10T12:09:00.000-05:00

I'm moving into my new apartment on June 1st and I'm bringing my:

Anastasia CD
Berling Wall poster
Contact lenses -year's supply
Dave's high school ID,
Earrings finally retrieved from Bekah's car
Four cd players-one for my room, Al's room, living room, and bathroom
Gogol's short stories
Hipster Bingo Card
Individually wrapped pieces of Kraft cheese
Jessi's sunglasses if I can ever get my hands on them
Kryptonite-the single by Three Doors Down
Lord of the Rings DVD
Matrix-original on VHS
NCAA Tournament 2003 scrapbook
One very short desk
Pearl necklace(s)
Queen's greatest hits
Rage Against the Machine's first three albums
Sorority T-shirts
Twin Bed from high school
Ugandan Basket from Taylor
Vodka -cheap and dirty
William Comer's soul
Xeroxed Siberian history textbook
Yellow paint
Zoolander

2004-05-09T20:53:00.000-05:00

Went to the DF picnic tonight. A good time was had by all, I would imagine. Bekah and I swang for a bit, and we watched virile young men wrestle each other.

Been listening to a lot of Belle and Sebastian as of late. I have fallen in love with one of the members of the band, although I'm not sure which one it is. But on the song "Legal Man," when the girls say "you've got to prove that you're no lie" this mysterious man comes in with "I'll render services that you might easily require." I melt, I die, I swoon. It makes me nervous and fluttery. I don't understand this, how this one man with one line in a song can have such an effect. He sings only one or two lines in several songs, and I NEED to know which one of the band this is. If anyone can tell me, I'll be forever indebted to you.

2004-05-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

Wow...was oh so very drunk last night. I don't know about Dave or Jessi, but I had an awesome time. And I totally would have won at Hipster Bingo last night, had we been playing.

Only at Mizzou

It's beginning to feel like summer. Everything is coated in a hot stickiness that makes me want a porch swing and a glass of pink lemonade with four boys to fan me.

2004-05-07T15:19:00.000-05:00

I want to quit the whole world.

Am about to go to a summer job interview. Wish me luck!

2004-05-07T03:54:00.000-05:00

I have decided to enjoy the stress in my life. If you can't get away from it, why not make it a game?

2004-05-06T20:28:00.000-05:00

Just finished reading Jayplay and have just discovered that I am an "Eastie," by which I mean I live in East Lawrence. That is, not accross Iowa street. One more street, and I'd be an entirely different kind of person.

Oh well.

2004-05-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

How do you get a leper out of bed?

A: With a shovel.

2004-05-06T00:47:00.000-05:00

Hipster Bingo!!!

2004-05-05T11:18:00.000-05:00

Walked into the dining room of my sorority to find a single waiter (waiters are college guys who get paid to wash the dishes and eat free food) listening to Modest Mouse. Surprised that I recognized the band, we chatted about music for five minutes or so. He seemed very eager, and very shocked that one of the sorority girls knew anything about his music.

He's way cute, but I am way too sleep deprived to hold my attention for more than a minute or so.

2004-05-05T07:51:00.000-05:00

I am the first person to arrive at my office today. That has not happened since my first day. And I was actually ten minutes late, but it was snowy outside so the office ladies couldn't drive to work.

2004-05-05T07:22:00.000-05:00

Jessi-

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

A: Keep the tip.

2004-05-05T06:17:00.000-05:00

To whomever found this page searching for:

KUnited

Why can't we be friends?

2004-05-05T06:08:00.000-05:00

Ughhh.

I arrived at the library at 7 pm last night, when it was still light out. Then it got dark whilst I wasted my evening not working on my paper. Now, it is six am and the sky is brightening throught the gigantic library windows. I just want it to be dark. I have nothing left to work on, cannot go to sleep til one (or possibly eleven) today, and I just want it to be dark for an hour or two more so I can pretend it's still night and I haven't missed it. I recall a very poingant post that Jessi wrote on a similar occasion:

Love Letter
To my dearest Bed:

You have no idea how it agonizes my heart to see you lying there in the morning light, knowing that I have to leave you. I long to stay with you through the day, but alas, I cannot. I will think of you every moment until the hour when we will be reunited. Please, wait for me.

Humbly yours,
Jessz

2004-05-05T05:58:00.000-05:00

fourteen pages. two lines on the fifteenth.

i am so fucking done.

2004-05-05T05:45:00.000-05:00

page fourteen. oh my fucking god i want to drill my eyes out.

i'm pretty sure that at this point i would sleep near gerry if it meant i could be in bed.

2004-05-05T05:25:00.000-05:00

page thirteen. just barely.

2004-05-05T05:10:00.000-05:00

top of page twelve. fuck.

2004-05-05T04:50:00.000-05:00

on page eleven!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2004-05-05T04:41:00.000-05:00

Listening to the South Park Movie Soundtrack to keep awake while writing about the Russian ascetic literary tradition and its application to One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich. I'm wondering if, given Gerry's trackrecord, I could stick in several excerpts of lyrics from the soundtrack. I bet I could. Would anyone give me twenty dollars if I did?

2004-05-05T00:38:00.000-05:00

Dave and I are drowning our sorrows in Diet Coke.

And we finally talked about last semester for real.

Yay for closure.

2004-05-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

2.5 pages in one hour.

15 pages needed/2.5 per hour = 6 hours

2 written before I got here.

13 pages needed/2.5 per hour = 5.2 hours

Started at 7:30-ish

7.5 + 5.2 = 12.7 or roughly 12:45 tonight

add time for screwing around

1 hour internet
1 hour going to the grocery store with Jessi
1 for general library shit

=3:45

If I could only not screw around, I could actually go to bed tonight. Oh well.

2004-05-04T14:42:00.000-05:00

I have two pages of my term paper written!!!!

Oh wait
-that's two out of fifteen
-it's due tomorrow night
-what i have so far is shit
-i will never get to sleep again

2004-05-04T03:11:00.000-05:00

Sorry, but I've become a little obsessed with search terms from Google:

quiz Who was the first black footballer to play for holland

This site is the second one listed. What the fuck?

2004-05-04T02:41:00.000-05:00

I'd rather be homeless

This guy goes to my school ---> Rescued from Pornography

This guy does not ---> Homeless at NYU

Who is cooler? It's not even close. The homeless guy.

2004-05-04T02:01:00.000-05:00

Overheard in Java Break:

You should move to West Virginia, so that your child has more motivation to move out of your shitty little town

-guy who had been discussing Kierkegard with two other guys

2004-05-03T17:55:00.000-05:00

I have always operated under the assumption that if you are in love with someone, you actually like them.

That may not be the case.

2004-05-03T02:08:00.000-05:00

To whomever found this page looking for:

essay about B's, not need, are enought for some state scholarship

I hope you found what you were looking for, though I don't quite know what that would be.

2004-05-03T01:08:00.000-05:00

i am not a lovable person -Bekah, referring to herself

2004-05-02T03:41:00.000-05:00

I am the last daughter of an American love song.

Or so I've been told.

2004-04-28T23:23:00.000-05:00

I love running into cute boys whom you haven't seen in a while, and seeing them flash a gigantic smile just because you said hi.

Adrenaline rush...

2004-04-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

Stephanie was
a Creative Acrobat
in a past life.

Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

2004-04-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

Jesus Fucking Christ.

Blog-Tracking May Gain Ground Among U.S. Intelligence Officials
By Doug Tsuruoka

People in black trench coats might soon be chasing blogs.
Blogs, short for Web logs, are personal online journals. Individuals post them on Web sites to report or comment on news especially, but also on their personal lives or most any subject.

Some blogs are whimsical and deal with "soft" subjects. Others, though, are cutting edge in delivering information and opinion.

As a result, some analysts say U.S. intelligence and law enforcement officials might be starting to track blogs for important bits of information. This interest is a sign of how far Web media such as blogs have come in reshaping the data-collection habits of intelligence professionals and others, even with the knowledge that the accuracy of what's reported in some blogs is questionable.

Still, a panel of folks who work in the U.S. intelligence field - some of them spies or former spies - discussed this month at a conference in Washington the idea of tracking blogs.

"News and intelligence is about listening with a critical ear, and blogs are just another conversation to listen to and evaluate. They also are closer to (some situations) and may serve as early alerts," said Jock Gill, a former adviser on Internet media to President Clinton (news - web sites), in a later phone interview, after he spoke on the panel.

Some panel and conference participants, because of their profession, could not be identified. But another who could is Robert Steele, another blog booster. The former U.S. intelligence officer said "absolutely" that blogs are valid sources of intelligence and news, though he said authenticating the information in blogs "leaves a lot to be desired."

Steele is founder and CEO of consulting firm OSS.Net, which organized the conference. The OSS '04 conference focused on public sources of intelligence. (OSS stands for open source solutions. In this case, open source is an intelligence term, not a reference to Linux (news - web sites) and open source software.)

China Wants To Block Blogs
The CIA (news - web sites) and FBI (news - web sites) haven't publicly commented about use of blogs in their work, but many D.C. observers believe both agencies monitor certain blogs.

At least one nation, China, is actively tracking blogs. It's also reportedly trying to block blogs. Several press reports earlier this year said the government shut two blogging services and banned access to all Web logs by Chinese citizens.

Many journalists write blogs and use other blogs to help find sources or verify facts and rumors. Blogs hail from just about any spot on the globe. They can provide first-hand insights into local events and thinking, even in parts of the world where there's little official information.

One example is the "Baghdad Blogger."

In March 2003, as U.S. forces stormed Iraq (news - web sites), one of the few sources on the Iraqi viewpoint was a blog written by a person who turned out to be 29-year-old Iraqi architect Salam Pax, though it's not certain that is his real name.

Some reporters followed his blog daily, which gave gritty insights into how the war was shaking the lives of Iraqis.

The U.S. military never publicly acknowledged Pax, but people at the conference say they believe U.S. military officers read the blog.

Some news organizations valued the blog. Britain's Guardian newspaper was so impressed that it hired Pax in May 2003 to write a biweekly column on life in Baghdad. He's still writing it.

Blogs last year also provided information during the outbreak of severe acute respiratory syndrome. In China, where the SARS (news - web sites) outbreak began, the government at first said little. But health officials and reporters were able to get a sense of what was happening through blogs, as well as from e-mail and cell phone text messages sent to people outside China. This might have spurred China's blog crackdown.

Gill says blogs are a good way to uncover news that regular media aren't covering or can't cover. "Blogs may be the best and only channel for such news stories," Gill said.

NGOs Already Get Attention

Various U.S. agencies already scan the Web sites of so-called nongovernmental organizations, or NGOs, for information on political, economic and environmental issues. So tracking blogs isn't a big step. And there are software products and online services for this task.

While blog postings are voluntary and available to anyone to read, some observers say blog monitoring by governments or the media raises civil liberties and privacy issues. One such critic is James Love, director of the Ralph Nader (news - web sites)-affiliated Consumer Project on Technology.

"When you're conducting surveillance where you have no expectation of illegal activity, there has to be some threshold to justify such surveillance," Love said.

Some point to other dangers in using blogs for intelligence or news. Blogs can be used to spread lies or disinformation.

It's hard to fact check a blog account of an event in a remote area like Mongolia. Plus, many bloggers don't use their real names. Confirming identities can be hard.

In Baghdad last September, guerillas fired two surface-to-air missiles at a U.S. military transport, but missed. A blogger in Baghdad who goes by the name "Riverbend" wrote that the plane carried Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who was then in Iraq.

The report proved false, but it confused the media.

Determining blog accuracy is the crucial first step to taking it further, warned Tim Witcher, who spoke at the conference. He's the former Seoul, Korea, bureau chief for Agence France-Presse, a news service. "A blog only becomes news when we can be 100% sure that it's true," he said.

2004-04-28T12:52:00.000-05:00

Jessi says she'll give me twenty dollars if I kiss The Lemon. Can I do it? I don't think I have the "moral fiber." But it's twenty bucks. Hmm...

2004-04-28T12:51:00.000-05:00

I have nothing to post, so instead I'm going to sing you a song.

Alright. Wasn't that amazing?

2004-04-27T01:19:00.000-05:00

My very own Surrealist exorcise. Inspiration courtesy of Sarah the Pirate. I knew mine would turn out very, um, Russian centered considering that Gerry has us buy twenty books a semester and I live in a sorority with enough room to keep twenty five books and maybe a toothbrush. So instead of ten books, I decided to be super hardcore and use my entire bookshelf, sans 501 Russian Verbs. Maybe this entirely misses the point of the exercise, but I thought it was fun.

Sofia Petrovna, Marius, and Dugaev Create Russia

If you see the form without form of the Beloved you are at once the Lord, the House, and the Kaaba. Then those of the Ainur who desired it arose and entered into the World at the beginning of Time; and it was their task to achieve it, and by their labors to fulfill the vision which they had seen. The state formed by these Yenisey Kirgizes reached its zenith in the ninth century AD, when its power extended from Lake Baikal to the Altai. The expansion of Russia to her present size has been a long historical process covering about six or seven centuries. Rasputin explains that Siberian Russians probably inherited their inventiveness and aesthetic instincts from their distant ancestors in the northern regions of European Russia, especially Arkhangelsk, Vologda, Ustyug the Great, and Novgorod. Although there is quite a bit of variation, a look at the top 10 and bottom 10 cities proves insightful. It is highly significant that Russia entered the European family of nations through her conversion to Christianity, for which she is indebted to Byzantium. The first two defined the island that became the Petersburg Quarter, in which Peter himself had already settled to oversee his building progress.

The undertaking had been set like a clock mechanism. Dugaev obediently began his work. He was a straight-A student, trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent. He crammed his bookshelf overflowing, then read and read - frustration growing: some raved or lied, and some were dense; some lacked all conscience; some, all sense; each with a different dogma girded; the old was dated through and through, while nothing new was in the new; so books, like women, he deserted, and over all that dusty crowd he draped a linen mourning shroud. The superman proceeded by trial and error: unmade and remade everything: left a partially depopulated and ruined Russia, and forgot to provide for a successor to continue his work. Marius falls into the pit, which is covered over with briars. Full many a draught of wine had he drawn For Burdeuxward, while that the chapmen sleep: Of nice conscience took he no keep if that he fought and had the higher hand, by water he sent them home to every land. Sofia Petrovna would make tea in the teapot with squares on it and turn on the radio. She was a rather tall, slim, and graceful woman, terribly emaciated, with magnificent dark brown hair and with a hectic flush in her cheeks. What is she thinking?

"She's the only one in the country that hasn't," said the engineer.
We met at church.
Quit upsetting him.
Needless to say, they did not.

That was all that the people of the town ever learnt about this new personage, who very soon did not fail to put in a prompt appearance at the governor's evening party. In fact, they don't even consider it in the form in which it should be considered, yet the entire reckoning depends on it.

Books used:
Sofia Petrovna - Lydia Chukovskaya
Dead Souls - Gogol
Cliffnotes to Shakespeare's Tragedies
The Simarillion - Tolkein
Notes from the Underground - Dostoevsky
Atlas Shrugged - Rand
The Canterburry Tales - Chaucer
Siberia, Siberia - Rasputin
Last Summer in Chulimsk - Vampilov
The Conquest of a Continent - Lincoln
The International Thesaurus of Quotations
V Puti (I really meant super hardcore)
Sports Economics
The Commission - Zalygin
Stories from a Siberian Villiage - Shukshin
Eugene Onegin - Pushkin
Petersburg - Bely
Russia in Flux - Maynard
Soviet Russian Imperialism - Mamatey
The Teachings of Rumi
Crime and Punishment - Dostoevsky
A History of Russia c. 882-1996 - Dukes
A History of the People's of Siberia - Forsyth
Kolyma Tales - Shalamov
Sunlight at Midnight - Lincoln

2004-04-26T02:26:00.000-05:00

My football player got drafted! Yay!

I had micro with two football players last spring, and I continually see one of them around campus. I don't know him at all, but we say hi and I've talked with him once or twice. Anyways, I call him my football player, because unlike the entirity of the basketball team, I know him from something other than watching KU sports.

He was the only KU player to declare for the NFL draft, and he got drafted number 36th in the fourth round, 132nd overall, to the NY Jets. For those who don't know anything about the NFL draft, that's about halfway. Derrick Strait from OU got drafted by the Jets too, and so did a KState guy. The Jets must love Big 12 football. Well really, who doesn't?

I'm so excited for him, and now I have my very own NFL player. I was going to call him my NFL player, but Jessi suggested My Professional Sportsman, which I think is snappier.

2004-04-20T16:37:00.000-05:00

Things to Do This Summer
-write a short story - weekly
-find time to finish knitting a scarf
-get a job
-work at said job forty or fifty hours a week
-drink, a lot
-have a fantastic fourth of july party (we're thinking Willa Wonka themed)
-get a tan
-read everything for my brit lit class next year
-start reading for pleasure again
-conquer India

2004-04-20T00:11:00.000-05:00

Got home from checking out a gazillion (well...14) books from the library. Realize that for the first time in weeks I am without a project. I'm not quite into my term paper enough to work on it now, have finally finished my short story, am not going to think about econ til May, and just found out that my application to be a DJ for the local college station isn't due for a week and a half. And I don't have to be anywhere til noon tomorrow. Yay for not being a full time student anymore.

Had a very enticing dream last night, will try to repeat it. But that usually never works out.

2004-04-19T00:02:00.000-05:00

Hard at work at Anschutz library, listening to the Ramones and mourning the end of my diet coke. But, I'm on the seventh page! Just two more to go! Woo-hoo!

2004-04-17T19:04:00.000-05:00

Funny Things Dave Said Today

"I don't care if heroin is so passe, I'm gonna do heroin until I'm way the fuck skinny. Let's be heroin sheik."

"Goddammit, I hate you and your espn.com."

"I think that was totally orchestrated."

"I want my knives back. ::whispers:: so I can die. ::Loud again:: That was funny"

"Okay, get ready to draw on my face, while we're eating how bout."

"This avacado is voluptuous."

"When you vomit my food, that is a compliment."

2004-04-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

Em & Lo:
cancer (June 22nd-July 22nd)
Zip it. No, seriously — we've got a whole bag of shush for you here and we're not afraid to use it. Every time you open your mouth it will be to annoy someone, no matter how good your intentions. And annoyance never got a person into anybody's bloomers. Far better to play the strong, silent type and let the hotties come to you. Note: being the strong, silent type is infinitely more effective if you do it at the end of the bar or on the pool table rather than in your La-Z-Boy.

After the election, I think this was perfect.

2004-04-16T15:21:00.000-05:00

Wow, this week has been amazing. Honestly, it's probably the most fulfilling week at KU that I've had since I got here. I've never worked with a more amazing, in spiring, talented, fun, crazy group of individuals. We lost the election, but we got seven junior/senior senators, one non-trad, and two grad seats. And our referendum passed! Which is just awesome. I'm sad that the election's over because it means that I won't be working with these guys every day, but we have a meeting on sunday to start committee work for next year. And the people that did get seats - Anna, and Brian, and Kyle, and Kristan, oh man, they deserved it so much. They worked harder on the campaign that anyone except for Blake and Kevin.

I'm glad it's over and I can work on other things again (like finals and term papers, etc.) but running with Delta Force was the best decision I've ever made since I got here. I'm really tired, and a lot hung over, but I know that I did something that was important. And that's just so awesome.