my current blog:

chuck my stuff

Okay, this blog is dead. And I'm officially putting it out of it's misery. Consider Drawn Holland --the blog, not the person-- put to sleep. I'm moving on, to other pseudonyms, other urls. It's not like there's anyone out there who still reads this.

So Drawn Holland, my former self, says this to who I am now:

You did what you did
It's done
You loved it, but it made you mad
And now you seek sanity in something else

There are days, shades of window lights, films with foreign accents
Smells of smoke, ashes, sips of drinks
you will take with you, on and on
until you have no pseudonym at all

And that's youth, life, being
living in any place
but this place, with these people
is who you are
--whether you ever wanted to be here and you, is irrelevant
and who you thought you were is irrelevant
you are yourself

escape in names and places
and initials and anything that helps you be
but don't forget that i and you
being the same
will traverse nations and decades together

the eyeballs sees what it sees
--and feels what it feels
so does the pulse of you
and in that pulse i am

(c)2005 Drawn Holland

Western Civ I is over. One final down, two to go...

Word to your mother

Western Civ is over!!!

Until next year anyways...

Wow. I just finished my play. Thank the lord. And it only took me four hours, so why did I put it off for two months?

I'm a senator!!! A senator!!! Yay!!! Wooo!!! Ahhh! Senate!!! Yay!!!

Okay, enough of that.

Senate!

Ahh. Okay, I was kidding before about the Facebook. But now I'm serious. Dead serisou. It's taking over my life. It's unacceptable. It's so much worse than aim, or blogger, or internet games. Or downloading music.

And I have no idea why.

But it must be stopped.

This wholesomeness thing is already crampin my style

So now I'm a member of the Facebook. That evil awful thing I swore I would never join. I fear an obsession coming on. Dammit dammit dammit.

My blog needed a haircut...

So I just finished sanitizing my blog. Does that sanitize my life? No. Hell no. But as Bekah and I were discussing earlier, this year has been clean. Wholesome. Last semester that's all I thought that I wanted. Now I'm mourning the loss of my freedom. Or daring. Or whatever it was that I had then. I think this is one of those things that you never can be fully content about. Either you're too wild and you want to be cleaner, or your too clean and long to be a little more bad.

But yeah, so I deleted all the sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Or something like that. Was is worth it? So that they won't see it. (That's a very specific 'they'). I don't know. I'm pretty lost right now.

Oh well. Such is life.

Bekah put is much better than I did:

ode

Today, my best friend is erasing her blog. It feels like a whole era of our lives is being expunged. Deleted. Completely removed.

It was a good era, one that we'll remember a thousand years from now. It taught us that we can survive anything, that sometimes you need to kiss your friends, that some things can be more important than you ever thought they would be. It taught us about whiskey and the Marquis puppet and eyeball licking and activism. We went through pack after pack of Marlboro Lights, drink after drink at Java Break and hour after hour Russian verbs and Siberian history. We had a midnight birthday party for J, homemade Indian food on Valentine's Day, copious amounts of alcohol and a studio apartment on the second floor of 1144 Louisiana.

We made it through incredible amounts of shit and, amazingly, we're all still standing. Things have changed since then, and nothing will ever be the same. It's doubtful that we'll ever be in quite the same place, but this is how I will always remember us:

Sitting in a circle, crammed between a loveseat and an ottoman and a kitchen doorway, tipsy off whatever we had in the freezer, playing Sin Pennies.

Am contemplating deleting this thing. I don't know. Maybe I'll just go and delete some specific passages but leave the rest intact. A friend found it accidentally, and I just feel like I'm so far removed from that place--February through April--where everything was so bleak that I need to get away from it. Purge myself of it, in Mark's terms. I want to keep posting, but I think I need to get rid of some of last spring's baggage.

I'm really excited about DF. I don't want to talk DF stuff exclusively for the next five months, so I'll refrain. But, I still feel incredibly lucky to have found such an amazing group of people nestled in this sleepy hipster town.

Speaking of hipsters, I went to the Arcade Fire concert last night. Amazing. Amazing. They were crazy fun fabulous cool. I have never been screamed at by five people in a line with violins and shit before. Amazing.

Stop day count down: 7 days.

Yay for Winter Break.

Rain rain go away

Happy Halloween!!!!!


Survey: What were you for Halloween?

OOOhhh, pretty colors...

Okay, so the Decemberists Concert is tonight, can't wait.

BUT, wow, have to clean my apartment by friday because

Mom's coming

ahhh. Must get everything perfect. ahhh.

The Badly Drawn Boy show was amazing. Amazing. He played his entire One + One is One album--the whole thing. He took a ten minute break, came back, and played another hour+ set. He played for almost two and a half hours. The second set had all of his great stuff (at least in my opinion anyway), like the About a Boy stuff and his first few albums.

The cool thing was he was just so funny. He told stories before almost every song, either what it was about or just random stuff. The end was this twenty-minute improv about everything from coming to Kansas for the first time to introducing his band, to stuff about his girlfriend and his kids. It was like an episode of Storytellers or something. It was amazing.

Ahh...and I'm listening to The Constantines.